Clinical Experience

I’m due to start my first official-as-a-medical-student clinical placement in a few weeks and today we found out where we were placed. And I got, DONCASTER. It is the furthest goddamn hospital from the university and it’s around a 2-3 hour commute to get there. Also, how the hell will I get to see my consultant to check I’m not dying when I‘m at least two hours away?!

On top of that, we get £5 a day to travel to and from our placements. I live 4 miles away from the train station, so its a £3 bus ticket, then a £5 return train ticket and then another £3 bus to the hospital. So whilst everyone else is probably making money, I have to get four buses and two trains a day on five pounds. And considering for the nurses placement at least, I have to work a full 8-10 hour shift with them, add on at 4 to 6 hours travel, that leaves me with on some days only eight hours at home. How is that fair?! As if my insomnia isn’t bad enough, and then I have to write up clinical cases too.

Someone said we were supposed to get accomodation, but there has been no mention of that. How will I possibly get all my stuff there?! My medication alone is huge, when you have to take something like 14 tablets a day and two inhalers, it takes up a lot of damned space. Thank god I don’t have a nebuliser anymore because I have no idea how I’d get that there as well.

I know this is just me being pathetic, but it’s always me getting the most retardly difficult places to get to. For my patient contact, we had to visit someone at home and I got fricking Rotherham, so while everyone else got to walk down a bloody street to see their patient, mine was over 15miles away. It’s just not fair when I haven’t slept for two days I have to navigate my way through the very confusing public transport of Sheffield, and the most other people can complain about is how hungover they are because they’ve been out drinking for about 5 days in a row. IF YOU CAN’T COPE WITH THE HANGOVER DON’T DRINK.

In other slightly less depressing news, the diet from hell is working. By basically living off foods that are absolutely not fun and are not coated in chocolate I can lose some of my steroid weight. At 5ft tall I managed to almost reach 10st over Christmas, which means I’ve gained nearly 3 and a half stone since leaving hospital. I ain’t going in to goddamn double digits.

I was about 9st 3 on my last weight in monday morning, hoping to be down to 9st by Feburary. I’ve set a goal of 8st 7 in April and 8st in June. A couple of years ago I worked at the University of Surrey for a summer analysing the nutritional content of young women’s diet as part of a study the univeristy were conducting. As part of it I built a program that can analyse diet, which although it is based on USDA data, as I wouldn’t find any comprehesive UK data, it’s quite good. I’ve been averaging around 1000 calories a day, meeting my RDA for both protein and sugar (mainly through fruit), while only eating a third of the fat RDA. It seems to be working as I have lost 7 pounds in two weeks, and whilst this sounds a lot, I easily gained 7 pounds in two weeks, so if you can gain it in that time you can lose it. I’m also managing to meet my RDA’s for vitamin C, B12, E and B6, as well as iron etc. So it’s going quite well.

I never thought I’d see the day when I’d be happy to see I weighed 9st!

Current weight: 9 st 2.4 (128.4 pounds)
Weight lost so far: 7.6 pounds
BMI: 25.1
Weight still to lose: 9.4 pounds by April

Read Full Post »

A Note on my Header

My header image is something I produced a while back, and due to severe laziness on my part, I decided to reuse it here as a header.

The phrase “If three words could heal you, I would only speak two” are lyrics from Cherry Kiss by From Autumn to Ashes. Many of their songs have fantastic lyrics, but these particular lines have always resonated with me.

Whilst I make no pretence and analysing song lyrics regularly in much the similar way you are forced to in those long, tedious english literature lessons (can you tell I am a scientist at heart?), these lyrics do hold a stong meaning for me. It like having the power right then and there to cure someone, beginning to do so and holding back at the last minutes for a reason known only to you. To, in some ways, hold back that last word, just because you have the power to.

In life words have a great power that many people do not acknowledge, whether it be good or bad. People have killed themselves or others by being hurt or rejected by another, or thrown caution to the wind because someone whispered “I love you“. But also as doctors, those words can bring the gift of life or take it away. Just look in to the wishful eyes of a pateint who is about to be informed there is no longer any hope, if you wish to see the dramatic effect just a few words can have on a person entire perspective.

Read Full Post »

An Old Lady’s Poem

When I started my volunteering a few years ago, as a medical applicant, we were given many talks on fire safety and the handling of patients. After these multiple and very dull presentations, one of the staff showed us a video she hoped we would remember for a long time to come, especially when we see the glassy eyes of elderly patients.

As part of my volunteering and work as a phlebotomist, I have had a lot of patient experience, and I am all to familiar with those elderly patients on the ward that no longer know who they are or why they are there, that the nurses no longer answer their calls and the reason their sheets are so messed are because they’ve soiled themself again. Sometimes its hard to look at these patients, these people, and realise they were once young like me, they had lives, familys and so many memories.

Sometimes, I see those silent patients look up at me with teary eyes set in a time withered expressionless face, and wonder do they know who they are any more? Do they remember their first taste of ice cream on a warm day, their first kiss or the hurt following a broken heart? Can they no longer speak or do they chose not to?

This video contained an elderly lady in a care home, who was ignored by the staff that treated her, with this following poem being voiced over. I had never known the origins of this poem, or really remembered how it went, only its intended message.

However, at work one day, I saw this same poem pinned up on the notice board. It had been written by an old lady in hospital in Scotland, but it was only discovered by nurses after her death amongst her belongings. This poem expresses perfectly how so many of those old people must feel, the ones that are still there behind their glassy eyes.

What do you see, nurses, what do you see?
What are you thinking when you’re looking at me?
A crabby old woman, not very wise,
Uncertain of habit, with faraway eyes?
Who dribbles her food and makes no reply
When you say in a loud voice, “I do wish you’d try!”

Who seems not to notice the things that you do,
And forever is missing a stocking or shoe…
Who, resisting or not, lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding, the long day to fill…
Is that what you’re thinking? Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse; you’re not looking at me.

I’ll tell you who I am as I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding, as I eat at your will.
I’m a small child of ten … with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters, who love one another.

A young girl of sixteen, with wings on her feet,
Dreaming that soon now a lover she’ll meet.
A bride soon at twenty — my heart gives a leap,
Remembering the vows that I promised to keep.
At twenty-five now, I have young of my own,
Who need me to guide and a secure happy home.
A woman of thirty, my young now grown fast,
Bound to each other with ties that should last.
At forty, my young sons have grown and are gone,
But my man’s beside me to see I don’t mourn.
At fifty once more, babies play round my knee,
Again we know children, my loved one and me.

Dark days are upon me, my husband is dead;
I look at the future, I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing young of their own,
And I think of the years and the love that I’ve known.
I’m now an old woman … and nature is cruel;
‘Tis jest to make old age look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles, grace and vigor depart,
There is now a stone where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass a young girl still dwells,
And now and again my battered heart swells.

I remember the joys, I remember the pain,
And I’m loving and living life over again.
I think of the years …. all too few, gone too fast,
And accept the stark fact that nothing can last.

So open your eyes, nurses, open and see,
Not a crabby old woman; look closer… see me.

Current weight: 9 st 4 (130 pounds)
Weight lost so far: 6 pounds
BMI: 25.4
Weight still to lose: 11 pounds by April

Read Full Post »

Patient: The True Story of a Rare Illness by Ben Watt

Patient: The True Story of a Rare Illness book cover

Having recieved my diagnosis, I did a bit of Google search, as I’m sure any curious patient does. There isn’t a huge amount of reliable information on Churg Strauss Syndrome (CSS) and much of the information can conflicting at times.

I first turn to the ever sort-of reliable Wikipedia; first stop for all my knowledge needs. It was there I found out about a book by a musician called Ben Watt, who had been diagnosed with CSS at a relatively young age of 29, considering it “traditionally” affects people aged 40-50.

Having just started at university, I was able to find one lowly copy of the book down in the depths of the library, and according to the stamps in the front, having been the first person to retrieve it in quite some time.

It is in summary about Ben Watt’s experience with CSS right from diagnosis to eventual “cure”. His experience begins as presenting with chest pain and from there baffled doctors try and find the cause. For over two months he was in hospital, experiencing multiple operations to try and remove sections of dead bowel, which had been destroyed by his own immune system as part of CSS. He does infact, in the end, have quite a significant portion of small bowel removed which dramatically affects his diet.

On top of his recounting of his medical traumas and procedures, Watt also talks of the way it affected those around him; the often forgotten relatives who suffer along with their sick loved ones. Something that is all too clear to me, having seen the affects that illness – not always my own – has affected my family. He recounts memories of better days  and reminds  the reader that patients are people, not just walking examples of diseases seen in textbooks. Something, I feel a lot of medical staff, not just doctors, should be reminded of.

The book was both facinating and informative and I would highly recommend it not only to CSS sufferers but medical students as a whole. If you are genuinely trying to connect with your patients on a emotional level, then this book will give you a genuine insight into how they experience illness.

Current weight: 9 st 6 (132 pounds)
Weight lost so far: 4 pounds
BMI: 25.8
Weight still to lose: 13 pounds by April

Read Full Post »

It’s a New Dawn, a New Day

So it’s one week into the new year. I guess I can say my only resolution is to do everything I can to pass this year. I returned home from university about 3 weeks ago, and have since been working as a phlebotomist part time. Whilst this no doubt provides me with valuable experience and money I so desperately need to actually fund my education, I haven’t really found the time to do much medical work. Take today for instance, this has been my first day off work in ages, and I’d meant to write up some notes, but here I am, nearly 7pm and I’ve done nothing, nada.

It also doesn’t help that in the last few days I’ve been struck down by a cold which has no developed into a chest infection. I sound like I’ve got COPD! The azathioprine probably isn’t helping me fight this, to say the least. And I’m due the second swine flu vaccine next week. I really don’t want to head for the doctors though, because that will no doubt involve high dose steroids which I really really wish to avoid.

However, in more vaguely positive news, my steroids are now down to just 7.5mg! It’s actually amazing how different I feel. My sleep has vastly improved, but I doubt it could be referred to as normal. I tend to slip off about 1-3am now instead of the usual 3-5. I’m sure this will have a huge impact on my performance at uni. However at the moment, having to start work at 8am, and it being a bus ride away, I do have to get up at 6:30, a good hour and a half earlier than at uni, so I shall probably feel the full impact of this when I head back. I have also found my appetite much more within normal ranges, and whilst I doubt with Christmas binges I have lost any of the weight I had amassed, I don’t think I’ve gained any either.

A negative side of this is within the last month, I began to feel symptoms of my asthma and polyps returning, as I had not been bothering with the extra nasal and inhaled steriods whilst on such a large systemic dose. It did kind of shock me the first time I became wheezy, when I hadn’t had any symptoms for over 6 months, so I’d almost forgotten what it was like.

Another strange occurance woke me up a couple of days ago. I was still half asleep when I ran to the sink and started drinking from the tap because my throat was on fire. The only reasonable thing I could think of is I had acid reflux, but still it hurt like a bitch, and I still haven’t got my voice back.

I have to say overall things have improved, but having not really had any academic work in over 3weeks, I won’t really be able to tell until the pressure is back on.

I’m going to start dieting and posting how I’m doing. My aim is at first 8st 7 (119 pounds), but I’m normally 8st (112 pounds), let’s see how it goes! Weights will normally be measured first thing Monday.

Current weight: 9 st 10 (136 pounds)
Weight lost so far: 0 pounds
BMI: 26.6
Weight still to lose: 17 pounds by April

Read Full Post »