When I started my volunteering a few years ago, as a medical applicant, we were given many talks on fire safety and the handling of patients. After these multiple and very dull presentations, one of the staff showed us a video she hoped we would remember for a long time to come, especially when we see the glassy eyes of elderly patients.
As part of my volunteering and work as a phlebotomist, I have had a lot of patient experience, and I am all to familiar with those elderly patients on the ward that no longer know who they are or why they are there, that the nurses no longer answer their calls and the reason their sheets are so messed are because they’ve soiled themself again. Sometimes its hard to look at these patients, these people, and realise they were once young like me, they had lives, familys and so many memories.
Sometimes, I see those silent patients look up at me with teary eyes set in a time withered expressionless face, and wonder do they know who they are any more? Do they remember their first taste of ice cream on a warm day, their first kiss or the hurt following a broken heart? Can they no longer speak or do they chose not to?
This video contained an elderly lady in a care home, who was ignored by the staff that treated her, with this following poem being voiced over. I had never known the origins of this poem, or really remembered how it went, only its intended message.
However, at work one day, I saw this same poem pinned up on the notice board. It had been written by an old lady in hospital in Scotland, but it was only discovered by nurses after her death amongst her belongings. This poem expresses perfectly how so many of those old people must feel, the ones that are still there behind their glassy eyes.
What do you see, nurses, what do you see?
What are you thinking when you’re looking at me?
A crabby old woman, not very wise,
Uncertain of habit, with faraway eyes?
Who dribbles her food and makes no reply
When you say in a loud voice, “I do wish you’d try!”Who seems not to notice the things that you do,
And forever is missing a stocking or shoe…
Who, resisting or not, lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding, the long day to fill…
Is that what you’re thinking? Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse; you’re not looking at me.I’ll tell you who I am as I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding, as I eat at your will.
I’m a small child of ten … with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters, who love one another.A young girl of sixteen, with wings on her feet,
Dreaming that soon now a lover she’ll meet.
A bride soon at twenty — my heart gives a leap,
Remembering the vows that I promised to keep.
At twenty-five now, I have young of my own,
Who need me to guide and a secure happy home.
A woman of thirty, my young now grown fast,
Bound to each other with ties that should last.
At forty, my young sons have grown and are gone,
But my man’s beside me to see I don’t mourn.
At fifty once more, babies play round my knee,
Again we know children, my loved one and me.Dark days are upon me, my husband is dead;
I look at the future, I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing young of their own,
And I think of the years and the love that I’ve known.
I’m now an old woman … and nature is cruel;
‘Tis jest to make old age look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles, grace and vigor depart,
There is now a stone where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass a young girl still dwells,
And now and again my battered heart swells.I remember the joys, I remember the pain,
And I’m loving and living life over again.
I think of the years …. all too few, gone too fast,
And accept the stark fact that nothing can last.So open your eyes, nurses, open and see,
Not a crabby old woman; look closer… see me.
Current weight: 9 st 4 (130 pounds)
Weight lost so far: 6 pounds
BMI: 25.4
Weight still to lose: 11 pounds by April
Patient Reflections 