Today had to have the worst seminar/practical ever devised. The practical only had two objectives, to measure fat and Body Mass Index as well as a practical on lung function. I have never felt so inadequate in my whole life.
In regards to the first practical, we need to weigh ourselves and measure height and then using callipers estimate body fat. Not only am I a measly five feet tall, but I am just above the overweight BMI. As I have bingo wings that look like they belong in KFC, the last thing I need is someone sticking bloody callipers on them. But it also didn’t help that the three people I was doing this practical with were built like TWIGS. Both the girls weighed less than me despite being 4-6 inches taller and then proceeded to complain how fat they were. And the guy was like six and a half foot. I couldn’t have felt shorter or bloody fatter in that moment. Since starting on steroids my weight has ballooned, and the last thing I need is to sit there listening to people who are practically underweight complain about how fat or short they are.
But then to make matters worse, we then had to measure each others lung function. I am a terrible asthmatic, and recently it has been really bad, so you can imagine how shit my scores were, far below the predicted values for my age and height.
So basically all in all I’ve spent the rest of the day pretty down about it. A day spent looking at weight, height and lung function, the three things I am currently depressed about.
I’ve decided when I get back down to a more “reasonable” weight, I’m going clothes shopping and I’m going to spend a ton. I don’t care, I never spend money on clothes, and normally I hate shopping. At five feet tall and not being built like a twig, buying trousers or mid-length skirts is torture. Even petite style trousers are for people around five foot 2, so they are STILL two inches too long. And mid-length skirts that are supposed to be “above the knee” sit far to below my knee to look normal, so I simply can’t buy them. Now I’m huge, most of my clothes don’t fit, but I just can’t face shopping. I have enough trouble finding trousers normally, as most short trousers are designed for skinny people, and before, even though I wasn’t skinny, I was on the thinner side so it wasn’t too bad. Now I’m overweight. It will be IMPOSSIBLE to find clothes that fit. The only trousers I have that really fit lengthwise are from America, their petite clothes are so much better, but now they are too small…
My diet isn’t going well, but considering I’m starting my two week clinical placement next week, it should keep me active, considering it’s a four hour commute as well as 8-12 hour shifts, it won’t leave much time for snacking! Also, I’ve started doing some basic thigh and arm exercises a day as well as a little cardio. It’s not much, but I’m hoping a little, often, will pay off in the long term.
Current weight: 9 stone (126 pounds) (weighed on 8th)
Weight lost so far: 10 pounds
BMI: 24.6
Weight still to lose: 7 pounds by April
Patient Reflections 